So way back in the early to mid 2000’s my #bipolar reared its ugly head. Yes I was born this way but here is when the real effects caught up with me.
I had just moved to Florida as an adult, and had a little fun for the first few weeks. I slept on the beaches and explored the state. It was a grand old time.
As time went on, my savings had begun to greatly disappear. I was enjoying life way more than someone with my means should have been.
The ups and downs of bipolar masked my financial woes. Yet I knew I had to find a job and start earning a living again.
As I have a brief colorful time not bad or illegal in any way, I rather at this time keep it to myself. Just use your imagination. If you want to.
I ended up in Tampa FL, and being broke my truck at the time fell apart on me. Pretty much homeless in FL. I found a friend moved in with him and he helped get me to wall mart where I got a job. That job both sucked and was awesome. I was the unloader/stocker. I would start around 3pm, and work until sometime 8am the next morning. I bounced around in the store. Made a name for my self there, and sadly shit on the great experience. See I was being groomed for management, when I met a woman while working there. We had a lot of fun in the first few weeks, and it lead to me not showing up on time and then to not showing up at all.
Losing that job, landed me into some pretty crazy employment opportunities. None being very stable or profitable in any means. And No I am not comfortable sharing the wheres and hows. As too many negative emotions are flowing from this.
Me and that woman, moved in together. Neither of us actually should have in hind sight. But we did. We did our best to love and build a life together. But my bipolar battles where just warming up to rage all out war on me and my shitty life.
We started a family, well hers was kind of started already. Now for a long time I hated her for what happened. But I have found peace. I realize we both failed, and no dance team can perform with only one dancer. I wont bring her into this by name nor much detail. Other than, I did truly love her even and though I was horrible at showing it. She was my Everything.
Towards the end of our time together, or actually the start of the end for us. Was when I was re-injured. I needed Knee surgery and that wiped out all money employment. By the time I got back to a stable job, we had been very behind on bills, evicted a few times and our family was suffering greatly. My mainc episodes where giving me the energy to work, and as I was working and not watching. Money was leaving the bank at a faster rate. Leaving me with worthless checks in FL.
My real fun is about to start.,
Pulled over for not wearing a seat belt of all things. I find out I have a warrant out for my arrest.
See it appears money left my bank account faster than it was going in. No I did not know. One of my issues is ADD/ADHD and no this is not an excuse. But combined with my rapidly developing manic episodes I had no control to function on a cognitive level. Dangerous.
As it turns out I have several Thousand Dollars in worthless checks out. Part of my employment meant that I was working out of town. So as notices in the mail that would have alerted me to the situation at hand where never noticed. So the courts ordered an arrest to get my attention. By this time it was to late. No defense was effective. As the accounts where in my name solely, and lack of management fell upon my shoulders alone. Never mind the fact, I seemed to be strung out on speed from no sleep and being manic. The court had no tolerance for my issues. In and out of jail a few times, losing my job and DL from this. My family life got worse. By now we hated one another with more vigor than when we truly loved one another. Steps 1-10 happened and I rather leave the past in the past. Other than to say, knowing now what I do. If your bipolar, dont fall in love with someone you really dont know. Because if they are ill equipped to handle it. You both will suffer greatly as will any little ones you bring into the mix.
Jump ahead to today, I am still and always be someone with bipolar and mental health issues. But I have been trying to rebuild my life. It has been a very slow painful process.
Recently I have decided to try and regain my DL, in hopes of maybe finding a part time job to see if I can handle the pressure of the out side environment again. Sadly I found out even though I have no outstanding issues in FL, I apparently owe them money. A lot of money. Well since I have none it is a lot. Turns out I need roughly $6,000 to pay off fines ect, to have FL clear my name and release my DL.
So my plan to try and re-enter the world and get off disability has just hit a massive road block. All while my disability is under review. Talk about roller coaster and anxiety.
People, if your just finding out your mental, and you have issues. PLEASE take it form me, and deal with them. Other wise things get way out of control and you lose what ever you do have. In all this mess I also committed suicide 2 times that worked until doctors revived me and attempted a few other times.
You may not know just how much your mental health is worth until you lose your physical life in all respects.
Before I close and go,
Please I am asking you to either buy some of my works, or support me with a donation today. The only way I can live and fix my current situation is to get my DL back. I simply can not with out your support. So please, help today. Fore tomorrow I may just be able to help you as a result.
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