Reflections of how I got to today. 1-A
Sitting in the dark, thinking of time gone by. Searching for the answer that evades the path to redemption. For all through time, we have sought of a better life. For the one opportunity that will take us from a dull mass of carbon, and transform us into the beautifully cut sparkling diamond. That will announce we have arrived, we now are worth gazing upon.
How do we go from that lump of coal to a sought after diamond? For a select few they fall into that place. Be it from birth or luck of being at the right time at the right place. But for most it comes through hard work. Trial and error, failure to the point of giving up. Yet persevering froward with the faith and wisdom. That when we are finally cut, and polished. All will want to see and share in our triumph.
From the start of my life, I have been both a lump of coal and that diamond. My talents unseen, hidden by those around me. My efforts often over shadowed by the people or situations around me. As a child I had many dreams and interests. Finding myself creating ways to build up my self-esteem. Creating my wish to shine. Hearing all the time you can do anything you put your mind to. But simultaneously being told shut up, don’t do that. Your not smart enough. Confusing roads, too which one should I go down?
After a while, I stopped I fell from life. I buried myself in a world of books and technology. Becoming fascinated with photography. I sought out my first camera. As the 3rd child of 4, and the only boy. I had hoped to better connect with my father, who also had once held a lust for the camera. Had asked him to buy me my first camera, only to hear him say. Why? Why would you want that. I then knew and so told my father I was going to become a photographer. His remarks where earth shattering and heart breaking. My father told me no self-respecting man will build a life with a camera. That if I wanted to create, to become a builder. My father an architect by trade, and one of the finest quality builders I have ever known. Was leading me away from my passion in life. The man kept his hands busy with either a pencil and ruler or with a hammer in his hands. The two things in life the man actually had any feelings for. Refused to believe in me, to take a hobby of his and share it with me. Instead he took me to work, taught me wood working. How to work with contractors, schedule a major construction project. Yes some of those lessons would help me later in life. But they would never be my life. For years I tried to get his approval. To gain his love, his trust, to gain my right as his son. All while turning my back on myself. For several years I did work in construction, doing very well for my self. Taking the tools my father forced upon me and making my self a small fortune. The one day I met a woman, fell in love built a family. Only to lose it all. One thing my father never taught me was how to see the now, learn from the past. In order to make tomorrow better. Instead he just said build it right the first time and tomorrow will give for its self. As this might be true, you need the mechanics of how that will work. As my life fell apart around me, as a building that has reached end of life. I found myself lost, confused and scared. Again just as a child I buried my head in books and technology, seeking out the answers about what went wrong. Only finding out, although not seeing it then. What had gone right. I quickly fell back in love with my lost passion. Photography, with no one in my life. No direction for tomorrow, and no way back to yesterday. I dove head first into my artistic vision. Creating a style all my own, learning the basics from behind the lens. Creating some amazing points of view.